Why meditation doesn’t always feel safe for everyone…

Let’s get real here. For some people, being asked to close down their eyes, sit in silence, with no guidance or modifications can simply feel too much.

As can being asked to do controlled breathing exercises or chanting.

I’ve been there. It just all felt…uncomfortable and triggered my fight or flight system.

Get. Me. Outta. Here…

In truth - all of the things mentioned above are technically meditation.

But they aren’t techniques I would include for beginners.

Here’s why…

1 in 5 people struggle with their mental health (things like anxiety and depression) in any given week in England. That’s according to an NHS survey published just a few months ago.

7 in 10 of us will experience a traumatic event at some point in our lives, with 1 in 20 of us going on to be diagnosed with PTSD. That’s global stats from the World Health Organisation.

I see this in reality too, as so many of you reveal to me your own diagnoses when we first meet.And I know what it’s like to not feel safe when going to a so-called wellness event.There’s been times an underlying feeling of uncertainty has sent me straight back in my shell.

So what options are there to support those of us who want to meditate, but need reassurance, safety and understanding to make it work for us?

Well, here’s an idea of the common challenges that prevent many people meditating - and later, why I offer modifications and opt outs for anyone attending my sessions. There might be a few that surprise you…

Common barriers to meditating

1. Most of us are afraid we can’t stop our thoughts

2. Some of us feel vulnerable closing our eyes when in a new space or group situation. 

3. A newbie needs clear guidance - asking us to sit in silence when first starting out is pretty darn scary.

4. Many of us worry we can’t keep up with controlled breathing techniques such as box or square breathing. It can induce anxiety if we’re unable to keep up with a teacher counting.

5. Some of us can’t ‘feel’ into our body. Asking us to take deep breaths into our belly? Or scan certain parts of our body? That can feel triggering, or sometimes - there’s a blocker that stops us doing this without us even knowing why.

6. 1 in 50 of us are unable to ‘picture’ a scene in our mind when invited to practise visualisation techniques. 

7. Group chanting….singing…No thanks. Aargh. Cringe. We haven’t sung sober in front of others since we were in the school assembly.

8. The thought of sitting cross-legged on the floor is cold, uncomfortable and unappealing. Or - not even physically possible.

9. Meditation feels too ‘religious’ and ‘woo-woo’. It doesn’t seem like it’s backed by science and has a real understanding of what anxiety, PTSD and depression feels like. That doesn’t sound safe to us…

10. In a group setting, we’re not sure if we’re allowed to adapt, modify or even opt out when we’re not feeling it.

11. Meditation isn’t always nice. Many of us spend our daily lives avoiding or numbing out from difficult emotions. We worry that if we sit to meditate then all of the negative thoughts and memories that we’ve suppressed will burst out of us like a monster hiding under a bed. Ug.

In these scenarios, it’s no wonder that many of us have no idea what to do, so we simply check out and give up.

Well, hold your horses…I’m here to show you a way that you can work through these challenges, with flexible, adaptable choices that keep you in control of your experience and give you a new entry point into finally adding meditation to your mental health toolbox.

Curious? Read on.

Firstly, I too have felt the struggle of anxiety and depression.

I’ve grappled with the seemingly endless waves of grief.

At times in my life, I’ve felt physically unsafe ‘feeling’ into my body. I’ve been terrified in a group setting that if I allowed myself to ‘feel’ just a smidgen of the emotions I was holding, that my tears would flood the room. Would I even be able to stop crying?!

I carried pain and sadness for decades, with no clue of how to unshackle myself from the weight and heaviness of it all.

Over time, medication and a bucket load of talking therapy has brought me to a whole different place mentally now.

I’m so grateful and thankful that I found a way through.It’s what inspires me everyday to help people just like you navigate a new path too.

But now, having qualified with the British School of Meditation and undertaken trauma sensitivity training I can spot some of the relatively simple things I missed out on receiving when I first started attending group meditation sessions. I’m determined that you don’t have to feel this lack of safety like I did.

I’ve woven cutting edge knowledge and scientific-backed research throughout my sessions to ensure no beginner should ever feel unsafe.

But what does that look like?

Here are my promises of what meditation and sound bath classes look like with me; a pledge to establish a safer, playful and curious way to meditate. For everyone. 

1. I’ll always be there to say hello and welcome you when you arrive.

The sessions I run are relatively small, that means I’ll spot you when you come into the room. I’ll always ask you to fill in a registration form, and have time to chat with you before we begin.I know how scary it can be going to a new thing - I’ve got time to say hello, so if you’re nervous, not sure about anything or need to let me know something - tell me, and I’ll be there to listen.

2. My sessions offer choices throughout. You’re in control of your experience.

Want to sit in a chair, stand up, move, sway, have your eyes open? No problem. Let’s chat about what that looks like for you!

When it comes to the breath, I don’t count when we do breathing meditations (and don’t do breathwork during any of my sessions, that’s a different ball game). Instead, I give you the instruction and plenty of reassurance for you to breathe at a pace that works for you - regardless of what your neighbour or other group members are doing.

And side note, controlled breathing techniques are something I save for intermediate or advanced courses, not for my drop-in or beginners sessions.

Don’t forget if you want to chat with me beforehand to get a clearer idea of what to expect or if you need support with something, drop me an email - let’s talk. Together we’ll find what works for you!

3. My sessions have a clear, planned out structure so with time, you come to know what to expect.

Patterns help us create safety. Structure gives us support. 

While no two sessions will ever be exactly the same, there will always be a general flow of how I open my sessions, how long they are, the equipment I bring and how I ground us before we leave.

And don’t forget you can always arrive a little early to chat with me if you need to. Heck, I'll even show you my plan if that helps calm you. It’s totally fine.

4. You can always opt out or modify a practice if something’s not working for you.

It’s pretty normal that as we run through the different meditation techniques there’ll be some you really love, and others that are just a bit meh. With that in mind, I’ll signpost things you can do to work through that resistance.

A key technique to lean on is labelling - this is a powerful tool in helping calm our brain’s bodyguard, the amygdala and the default mind network - the bit in our brain responsible for mind chatter. Or as a popular saying says ‘Name It To Tame It’!

Also keep reading for point 6 where I talk about something called ‘pendulation’...

5. My scripts are flexible and open-minded for people with all kinds of experiences and backgrounds.

Can’t picture a scene in your mind? No problem - I’ll always add in alternatives in my scripts without you even asking - things like ‘get a sense of’ or ‘perhaps you can hear or feel’ instead.

Gender fluid? No problem.

From a different ethnicity or religious practice to me? That’s cool too.

My scripts aren’t prescriptive, I simply offer you the outlines - you colour in the details.

6. You don’t have to have your eyes closed!

Whilst we get to know each other, and you get to know how I run my sessions that’s totally understandable if you don’t feel ok to close down your eyes.

Instead you can pick a static spot on the floor, look at my instruments or a tree outside the window.

Or, there’s always something called ‘pendulation’ where you can come in and out of the experience to shift your focus when you need to calm yourself. That might be that you take mini-breaks at first, that’s totally cool. Just gaze out the window, have a stretch, sip some water and come back to the practice when you’re ready.

7. I’ll have a box of pebbles and neutral nature items for you to hold if you’re feeling anxious, tired or have autism or ADHD.

Touch is a powerful antidote to soothing our fight/flight system. It’s also helpful when we’re feeling sleepy. Or with a neurodivergent condition, worry we won’t be able to hold our attention for very long.

Holding a neutral object - familiar or not - can instantly activate our parasympathetic nervous system, the state responsible for helping us ‘rest and digest’. You can simply hold the object in your hand, trace your hand or even smooth your thigh. Try it - if it works it works, if it doesn’t then let’s try something else. (I personally LOVE incorporating touch in my personal practices! Especially stroking a pebble on my palms - sooo soothing.)

8. Every session we practice anchoring to help when our mind wanders. So you can learn what works for you.

This is an important part of creating the foundations of meditating. Especially if we’d like to take what we learn in a group setting back home, for our own personal formal practice.

Before we move into the intermediate or advanced techniques, we need to know what works for us in anchoring our attention when we feel the pull of noisy, disruptive thoughts or difficult emotions.

I’ll always offer you options - the key three being noticing your breath, tuning into sounds around you and/or feeling points of contact of your body on the chair or floor. For most people - one of these three does the trick. But if not, let’s explore what else helps.

9. My neuroscience-researched sessions are practiced in a secular setting, in English without religious connotations or using complicated language.

We can’t deny that meditation has its roots in a whole variety of religions over the last few thousand years. And whilst I will introduce different techniques - some of them drawing upon Zen or Buddhist concepts, the general vibe of my beginner sessions is secular and doesn’t use Sanskrit words such as Om or Shanti Shanti.

I do introduce these concepts in my intermediate and advanced courses, where we bring in techniques such as chanting. But for beginners - we’re using neutral English words such as ‘calm’, ‘peace’ or ‘space’ to ease you in when it comes to mantra meditation. And ideally I’d like to welcome members of all of the community - whether you pray in a mosque, a church or somewhere else, I believe everyone can benefit from meditation. I don’t want our personal religious preferences to be a barrier before we’ve even begun.

10. I’ll always begin and end by grounding you in every session.

Whatever your internal experience, good or bad, I see it as my duty of care to make sure you’re ok before you leave. We always have time to sit for a few moments, journal, or have a glass of water if that’s what you need.

If this sounds like your cup of tea (or coffee!), then here are the options currently available to try meditation for yourself.

Fortnightly drop-in meditation sessions, using gong and other musical instruments

These 1 hour group sessions include 3 guided meditations (Around 5 minutes, 10 minutes and 15 minutes in length), with breaks in between.

Together we explore different meditation techniques such as breathing meditations, mantra, mindfulness, contemplation and visualisations.

That way you can find out which techniques resonate with you, and take away useful anchors and modifications to bolster your ongoing personal practice between sessions.

In-person sessions currently run every other Wednesday in Whaley Bridge, and every other Friday in Old Glossop.

Playful learning courses

Our beginners’ courses are an introduction to meditation, with plenty of modifications offered along the way.

Over 5 weeks, we test out several different techniques, learn the science behind why and how meditation works and explore tips and tools to build meditation into your everyday life.

Email hello@feelingsound.co to find out when the next course begins.

One-to-one meditation practice

Need something more specific? Stuck on progressing your personal meditation practice? Ready to try something new but not sure where to begin? Need support in adapting meditation to support a mental health or neurodivergent condition?

Reach out and email me at hello@feelingsound.co I have availability for fortnightly private sessions, online or in-person. Let’s work out a personalised plan to see what works for you.

Dan’s review this month:

“The quality of experience Clare offers is incredible, from her welcome, to her extraordinary ability as a musician and sound-therapist, to her after-care. It is a very relaxed, safe, genuine, calm and friendly space, and a deeply therapeutic and meditative experience I would highly recommend to anyone.”